Omer Fast

Take a Deep Breath

                           TAKE A DEEP BREATH
                                  by
                               Omer Fast

      In the summer of 2002, Martin F. was standing outside a falafel 
      shop in Jerusalem when it exploded. A trained medic, he went in 
      and discovered the body of a young man on the floor. The young 
      man had lost both legs below the waist, as well as an arm, but 
      his eyes were open and focused. A few seconds passed while the 
      two looked at each other. Knowing it was probably in vain, 
      Martin F. decided to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. 
      After a minute or two, the young man’s eyes rolled up into his 
      head and he expired. As he walked out, Martin F. saw that a 
      group of people had gathered, including two policemen, who 
      wanted to know how many casualties were inside. When he 
      responded that there was only one, Martin F. realized the young 
      man he had just left inside was a suicide bomber. 

      In the following script, extracts recorded from a conversation 
      with Martin F. in 2008 alternate with fictional scenes in which 
      a team of actors attempts to stage his ordeal for the camera. 

      There are two cameras shooting simultaneously. 

      Each shoots a different view. 





       



1     I/E. FALAFEL SHOP IN JERUSALEM. DAY.

      Off-screen sound of a muffled explosion.
      
      CAMERA "A" AN EXPLODED FALAFEL SHOP ON A STREET IN JERUSALEM. THE
      STORE WINDOW HAS BEEN BLOWN OUT. SMOKE IS COMING OUT. THE STREET IS
      EMPTY. THERE IS SHATTERED GLASS AND BLOOD ON THE SIDEWALK, AS WELL
      AS A SINGLE SEVERED HUMAN ARM. 
      
      CAMERA "B" PARALLEL SHOT, REVEALING MF FROM BEHIND, STANDING
      FARTHER DOWN AND LOOKING TOWARDS THE EXPLODED FACADE.

                            MARTIN F. (V.O.)
               Where do I start here? That morning I took off
               from work for an hour or so. I went with my wife
               out on a few chores. And when I came back I
               decided to go for lunch. I headed for my favorite
               falafel place on Prophets Street. And within
               fifteen seconds I heard this boom. Not as noisy as
               you'd really expect. And I see smoke emerging from
               the falafel place itself. 

      MF begins to walk towards facade.
      
      BOTH CAMERAS MOVE TOWARDS THE BLASTED WINDOW.

                            MARTIN F. (V.O.)
               The plate glass window is all shattered. There's
               complete silence. Maybe a few car alarms go off.
               There's glass on the sidewalk. And the first thing
               that really hits me is a human arm by the door.

      MF pauses just in front of the facade.

                            MARTIN F. (V.O.)  
               But I am a medic. I was trained in the army to
               deal with casualties. So I headed over there. Not
               too fast, mind you. I was not in a rush. I was
               hoping that some magic ambulance was going to come
               out of nowhere; they'd do all the dirty work.
               They'd go in and I would be able to be on the
               outside looking in. But nobody was there, so I
               walk in.

      MF walks through the open door into the shop.
      
      CAMERA "A" TRACKS THROUGH BLASTED WINDOW INTO THE SHOP AS MF WALKS
      IN THROUGH DOOR. IT CLOSES IN ON AN INJURED BODY LYING IN A PUDDLE
      OF BLOOD. IT IS A YOUNG MAN, PRACTICALLY A TEENAGER. HE IS MISSING
      BOTH LEGS AND AN ARM. THE GROIN AREA OF HIS PANTS DISPLAYS AN
      AWKWARD TUMESCENCE.
      
      CAMERA "B" OVERTAKES MF AS HE APPROACHES THE FACADE, CROSSING AND
      FOLLOWING MF'S POV. AS IT APPROACHES THE BODY, IT TILTS UP TO
      REVEAL CAMERA "A" AND THE CREW.

                            MARTIN F. (V.O.)
               Glass all over the place. And blood, but... I see
               this one fellow lying on the floor. He had no
               legs. I leaned down and looked at him for a second
               or two. 
               
      CAMERA "A" ZOOMS IN; THE LEGLESS MAN SUDDENLY OPENS HIS EYES AND
      LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.




     



2     INT. FALAFEL SHOP IN JERUSALEM. DAY.

                            OMER
               Oh no, Cut...

      Legless Man immediately closes his eyes.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Loudly)
               Cut!
               
      CAMERA "A": CUTS BRIEFLY.
      
      CAMERA "B": STAYS ON THE CREW.

                            SOUNDMAN
               Dude, that was perfect! What happened?

                            OMER
               He opened his eyes.
               
      CAMERA "A" BACK ON TO CLOSE-UP OF SOUNDMAN. FROM NOW ON BOTH
      CAMERAS CUT BETWEEN VARIOUS CREW MEMBERS AS THEY SPEAK. 

                            SOUNDMAN
               Who did?

                            OMER
               I forgot his name. He looked right at the camera.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Are you sure?

                            CAMERMAN
               Eyes wide shut, Omar. It's like the third time he
               does that.
               
      CAMERA "A" CU OF BOMBER. HIS EYES ARE CLOSED. HE DOESN'T MOVE. 

                            CAMERMAN
               Actually, there was another problem. I don't know
               how to put it but...

      People look the Camerman questioningly.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Smiling, embarrassed)
               Um, he's got a lump in his pants.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               A lump? What are you talking about?

                            CAMERMAN
               His pants. Um, look, there's a bump, a lump, it
               looks like...

                            OMER
               A what?

      Pause. Some people notice. Suppressed laughter. Bomber opens eyes.

                            SOUNDMAN
               Whoa, dude, is that what I think it is?!

                            OMER
               I don't get it. Am I missing something?

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (Laughs)
               The guy's got a boner! For real! Hey, you're in
               the wrong film, man!

                            BOMBER
                      (Smiles)
               What? Where?

      Pause. Everyone notices. Bomber strains to look down at his crotch.

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (To Bomber)
               You're not turned on by this whole thing, are you?

                            BOMBER
                      (Still smiling but less sure)
               Come on, it's not me...

                            SOUNDMAN
               Uh-huh...

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               It's not him, you idiots. It's just a bump in his
               costume!

                            CAMERMAN
               Man, I don't care what it is! If you look through
               the camera, it looks just like a hard on! 

                            SOUNDMAN
               I heard this shit happens when people are hanged...

                            BOMBER
                      (More concerned)
               Seriously! It's not me!

                            SOUNDMAN
               Hey, no worries, dude. It happens to everyone.

                            BOMBER
               But this is all a prosthetic, remember? I'm
               actually under the platform.

                            OMER
               Well, could we get the make-up guy in here?

                            CAMERMAN
               And a bucket of ice!

      Cameraman and Soundman high-five each other, laughing. FX guy runs
      in, reaches into Bomber's pants and starts fiddling. A PA runs in
      with ice and is shooed away. The crew loves it.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Disgusted)
               Would you guys grow up already?!

      FX guy finishes and runs off. Bomber relaxes.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Ugh. All right. On to the next problem: Did you
               look at the camera?

                            BOMBER
                      (Shrugs)
               I thought it already passed me.

                            OMER
               OK, could we stop messing around and do it again?
               Just the last shot? The close-up?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Just a second, Omer. I'm not sure he gets it. Hey
               look, the camera was not yet past you when you
               opened your eyes, OK? Just stay dead with your
               eyes closed until we're finished.

                            BOMBER
               Well, how am I supposed to know where the camera
               is if my eyes are closed?

                            CAMERMAN
               Listen Einstein, you're a suicide bomber! You're
               dead! You don't care about cameras!

                            BOMBER
                      (Points to Cam "A")
               Not even this one?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               It's really simple. You close your eyes when we
               say "action." You open them when we say "cut."
               That's all there is to it. (to Omer) Has he ever
               acted before?

                            BOMBER
               Isn't it better if I keep my eyes open? 

      Pause. Disbelief.

                            BOMBER
               I mean, it's not a peaceful death, right? I just
               think that it'll look more real.

      Pause. The entire crew stares at the Bomber.

                            BOMBER
               Fine. I'll keep my eyes closed if that's what you
               want.

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (Seriously, to Omer)
               Maybe we should try water-boarding?

                            OMER
                      (Ignores him)
               No. He's right. Let's do it again. From the top.
               With his eyes opened. 

                            CAMERMAN
               What, the whole scene, Omar?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Omer...

                            OMER
               What can I say? He's right. It will look more
               realistic.

                            CAMERMAN
               How's he know what's more realistic?

                            SOUNDMAN
               Yeah, man, like have you died in a suicide bombing
               before?

                            BOMBER
               Have you ever seen a dead body?

                            CAMERMAN
               Have you?

                            BOMBER
               Yes.

                            CAMERMAN
               Where?

                            BOMBER
               At home. Where I'm from... (Shrugs) I've seen many.

                            SOUNDMAN
               What are you? Like an undertaker on weekends?

                            BOMBER
               I'm a Kosovar.

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (Laughing)
               A Crossover? What's that supposed to mean?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               He's from the Balkans, genius.

                            SOUNDMAN
               Oh right! The Balkans. Now everything's clear.
               That's where Frodo's from, isn't it?

      Someone laughs.

                            OMER
               Ok, I think we should re-

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Cuts him off)
               Nah, nah, hold on, Omar! I got to ask this guy a
               question...

      Cameraman leans aggressively towards Bomber.

                            CAMERMAN (CONT'D)
               Who died? Come on, man. Give me some names. Where
               was it? When did it happen?

      Pause. Bomber closes his eyes and settles back into his pose.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Laughs dismissively)
               Just what I thought. This guy is pulling your leg,
               Omar...

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (To Omer)
               Are you sure you want to do the whole thing all
               over again? We're an hour behind. All the extras
               are waiting...

      Pause. Omer thinks.

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (To Camerman)
               Did they have Arabs in Lord of the Rings?

                            CAMERMAN
               He's not an Arab.

                            SOUNDMAN
               What is he then?

                            CAMERMAN
               He's a liar.

                            BOMBER
               I'm an Albanian.

                            SOUNDMAN
               Arabian, Albanian... (turns) Could somebody get us
               an atlas?

                            OMER
                      (Fumbles, taking out an iPhone)
               Here. I can google it...

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Hey Omer? We really don't have time for this. If
               you're not happy with how things are going, I'd
               suggest we try one take without him.

                            BOMBER
                      (Opens his eyes)
               Are you serious?

      Omer looks up from the iPhone.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Laughing)
               But he's the suicide bomber! What am I going to
               shoot? A puddle of fake blood and some pieces of
               latex?

                            SOUNDMAN
               You can shoot some falafel balls, man. Look, this
               stuff's got great texture!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Why don't we break for lunch and talk about it?

                            OMER
               But he's right; we can't just pretend the guy
               isn't here. I mean, he IS the suicide bomber.
               That's kind of a big part of the story!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               All right. Then let's get someone else. (takes out
               her own iPhone) I know this casting agency...

                            BOMBER
               Wait a minute! I have a contract!

                            CAMERMAN
               You had a contract.

      Bomber tries to get up, struggling with the prosthetics.

                            OMER
                      (Runs towards Bomber)
               Please just stay where you are! I promise:
               Whatever we decide, you'll get paid for today...

                            BOMBER
                      (Still struggling)
               I'm not doing this for money!

      Bomber finally manages to get up. AD looks up from iPhone. 

                            CAMERMAN
               No? Then why are you doing this? To be famous? For
               your showreel?

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (Quietly)
               For like the seventy virgins, man, I'd do it...

      Bomber steps menacingly towards Cameraman. AD walks in to break
      them up. Omer sits down in despair.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               OK, that's enough. Let's break for lunch everyone!
               Now! I mean it.

      Pause. Cameraman and Bomber stare at each, huffing and puffing.
      Cameraman struts off. Soundman bumbles after him. Bomber sits down
      next to Omer, exhausted.

                            OMER
               Listen, I'm really sorry about this. I didn't
               realize you had this - you know - history...

      Bomber looks at Omer without responding.

                            OMER
               Did you lose someone close?

      Bomber and Omer look at each other.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Omer? I think we should talk for a minute.

                            BOMBER
               I need to make a phone call.

                            OMER
               Sure.

                            BOMBER
               I don't have a phone.

      AD doesn't offer her iPhone. Reluctantly, Omer hands over his.

                            OMER
               Here. Just be careful. (Smiles apologetically)
               It's an iPhone...

      Bomber quietly takes phone. He then reaches up and slowly peels off
      his nose, it's a bumpy prosthetic.

                            BOMBER
                      (Gives nose to Omer)
               Here. This is yours.

      Bomber walks off.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Smiling)
               All right. That's one casualty. Can I call the
               casting agency now? 

      Pause. Omer thinks. Assistant Director starts scrolling through
      contacts again.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Come on, Omer. He's just a day player. There's
               nothing special about him. Oh, and while we're at
               it, we should fire that burn victim chick.

                            OMER
               But she's the only woman on our whole set!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Yeah, but she's not in the original story, right?
               Plus she's a bad actress. 

                            OMER
               It's a small role. She's just a casualty!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               I'm not sure you were watching her face, Omer. She
               was vamping, not dying.

                            OMER
               What is that supposed to mean?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Sighs, angry)
               All right. Fine.
               Why don't I just call them all back and do it over
               again? Eyes open, eyes closed, shirt on, shirt
               off. Whatever you want. Frankly, I think you're
               too caught up in details.

      	Pause. Omer looks around, unable to decide.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Well? (Carefully) Omer?
               
      BOTH CAMERAS CUT.




     



3     INT. FALAFEL SHOP IN JERUSALEM. DAY.

      Everything is the same as at the beginning of Scene 2, except for
      the Bomber. He's now played by an older, decidedly lighter-skinned,
      blue-eyed man (Amputee).
      
      CAMERA "A": MEDIUM CLOSE ON BOMBER. 
      
      CAMERA "B": SHOOTING ALONGSIDE, MEDIUM WIDE ON MF STAND-IN.

                            MARTIN F. (V.O.)
               His eyes were open. He was a mess, but I don't
               remember any blood in or around his face.

      MF approaches.

                            MARTIN F.
               He was a mess. He was missing his legs. He was
               missing one arm. But he was focused on me.

      MF leans down and carefully looks into the Amputee's face.

                            MARTIN F.
               So I thought: "Maybe the medical crews will
               arrive? Some miracle will happen. I'm going to
               give him an extra few seconds..."  So I started
               giving him mouth-to-mouth.

      MF presses his lips to the Amputee's, breathing and then begins
      administering CPR.

                            MARTIN F.
               His eyes flashed on me for the first couple of
               seconds. After that I didn't really have eye
               contact with him. I would say that his body was in
               complete - what's it called? When you lose
               tonus... He was in bad shape. I said,
               "Everything's gonna be OK. Tinshom Amok," -
               breathe deeply. 

      MF continues the CPR. The Amputee starts to fade.

                            MARTIN F.
               And then I saw one guy who was leaning in the
               doorway. His hands were on his hips. And he was
               kind of shaking his head from side to side, like,
               "The guy's a goner..."

      MF looks up. The Amputee dies quietly.

                            MARTIN F.
               He looked for some reason very authoritative to
               me. I stoppped the CPR. I got up and walked
               outside.

      MF stands up slowly.
      
      CAMERA "A" FOLLOWS MF AS HE STANDS UP.
      
      CAMERA "B" CUTS TO THE TEAM AGAIN.

                            OMER
               And...cut. Thanks a lot.

                            CAMERMAN
               All right! What a difference!
               
      CAMERA "A" CUTS.
      
      CAMERA "B" CONTINUES.

      Crew members clap, visibly relieved. FX guy and PA's walk in and
      begin helping the Amputee up.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Sits near Amputee)
               Didn't I tell you this guy would be great?

                            SOUNDMAN
               Yeah man, great suicide bombing! Mazal Tov!

                            OMER
                      (Sits near Assistant Director)
               I still think he's too old for the part. I mean,
               the real bomber was just a teenager...

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Who cares about the real bomber? At least this guy
               can act! The other one couldn't even play dead for
               one minute. 

                            AMPUTEE
                      (Getting up)
               If you think that was good, I can also roll over
               and fetch a ball...

      Crew is having difficulties helping the Amputee up. Omer and
      Assistant Director watch, uncomfortably. The Amputee is finally
      extricated, getting up and brushing himself off.

                            AMPUTEE
               I'm going to go for lunch.

      Amputee stumbles off, still wearing a bloodied shirt and stump.
      
      CAMERA "B" CUTS.




     



4     EXT. CATERING STAND. DAY.

      A buffet of soft drinks and fast food. Several extras are milling
      about. Amputee walks in and stands in line behind a young, pretty
      woman, whose face is partly burned. Burned Woman picks through the
      buffet, putting food on her plate. Amputee takes a plate and
      follows. 

      Cameras are behind the table on a track, spaced apart but parallel
      to each other. They shoot simultaneously.

                            AMPUTEE
               So...How did you die?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               You know what? I don't care.

                            AMPUTEE
               Really? Most people do.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Do they? Well, like most people then, I guess it
               was the explosion.

                            AMPUTEE
               So why don't you care?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Because I quit.

                            AMPUTEE
               You died - and then you quit?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               No. I quit before I died. I mean, I didn't die. I
               refused to.

                            AMPUTEE
               Good for you. (Chews)
               So why'd you quit?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Because they lied to me.

                            AMPUTEE
               About your dying?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               About how they wanted me to die: They wanted me to
               die with my shirt off!

      Amputee shakes his head laughing. Burned Woman also smiles.

                            BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
               Can you believe it? They never said anything about
               that in rehearsals and now it's supposed to be
               more realistic! Like the blast just ripped it off...

                            AMPUTEE
               At least you got to rehearse.

      Woman finally looks at him, holds out her hand. Amputee smiles,
      unable to shake hands he gestures at his stump.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Oh sorry. I guess we haven't met. So what's your story?

                            AMPUTEE
               Me? I'm the suicide bomber.

                            BURNED WOMAN
                      (Laughs)
               No way, really? Aren't you a little old for the part?

                            AMPUTEE
               Actually, I'm just doing this as a favor to my
               agent. They called her one hour ago. Totally
               desperate. Apparently the young guy I'm replacing
               couldn't follow directions. 

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Yeah, I heard he had problems. I didn't know they
               got rid of him too...

      They continue loading their plates, moving down the lunch line
      while nibbling. 

                            AMPUTEE
               It's a shame. There's some good people here. The
               real story is quite poignant. Unfortunately the
               director, what's his name, Omar something? He's
               more interested in gimmicks than storytelling.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               You mean the explosion?

                            AMPUTEE
               There was an explosion?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Real loud, a big fireball! I guess they wanted
               authentic reactions.

      Amputee nods. Burned Woman pauses, angry.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               It's totally irresponsible. You know, I bet they
               don't even have a permit for that! Jerks. Someone
               should report them.

      Burned Woman looks around, losing interest in her food. Amputee
      studies a tortilla chip.

                            AMPUTEE
               Anyway, so I'm also wrapped for the day. Got any
               plans for the evening? 

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Taking a bath and cuddling with a good book.

                            AMPUTEE
               Wow! That sounds good! (Reaches for another
               tortilla chip. Winks.) Like some company?

      Pause. Burned Woman smiles.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               I'm afraid not.

                            AMPUTEE
               Why not?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               It's against the rules.

                            AMPUTEE
               What rules? It is a non-union shoot.

      Bomber from Scene 1 enters, holding an iPhone.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Let's see, Rule Number One? (Taps his stump,
               smiling) Never go out with a victim.

                            BOMBER
               So how do we get home? Do they even have a car? Is
               somebody driving us?

                            AMPUTEE
               Is this your boyfriend?

                            BURNED WOMAN
                      (Laughs)
               What him? Oh no! 
                      (To Bomber)
               Sorry, I can't even remember your name!

                            BOMBER
               That's all right.
                      (To Amputee)
               We were both fired.

      Bomber throws the iPhone into a plate of tortilla chips. Amputee
      looks on with amusement. Burned Woman looks embarrassed, possibly
      hurt. Pause.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Hey, you know what? I know a good car service.
               (Reaching out for phone) Let me call one for you.

      Burned Woman picks up the iPhone and starts dialing. Amputee and
      Bomber are suddenly left facing each other.

                            BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
               Hello? Could you please send a car to Melrose and
               Kenmore ASAP. (Listens) It's a storefront on
               Kenmore. I don't know the exact number but you
               can't miss it. There's been an explosion.
               (Listens) No, no, it's a film set, we don't need
               an ambulance. (Listens) My name? (Looks up at
               Bomber) Sorry, what was your name again?

                            BOMBER
               Keith.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Keith, what?

                            BOMBER
               Keith Richards.

      Burned Woman stares at him for a moment before finally finishing
      the call.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Just send someone quickly. A young guy called
               Keith will be waiting.

      	Hangs up and holds up the iPhone for Bomber.

                            BOMBER
               That's OK. It's not mine. Keep it.

      	Pause. Burned Woman continues to hold out the iPhone.

                            AMPUTEE
               So do you ever bend your rules? I mean, they're
               there to be broken, right? 

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Rule Number Two: Never go out with a beggar.

      Burned Woman walks away, this time not smiling. She joins the
      Bomber on the other side of the table. Amputee looks on.

                            AMPUTEE
                      (Approaches)
               What if I told you my injury's real?

                            BURNED WOMAN
                      (Smiles)
               Yeah, sure. You're crippled and he's Keith Richards.

                            AMPUTEE
               I prefer differently-abled. But, yes, I'm a real
               amputee. 

      Burned Woman stops smiling. Bomber looks up with interest.

                            AMPUTEE (CONT'D)
               Oh please don't stop smiling... 

                            BURNED WOMAN
               I don't think this is funny.

                            AMPUTEE
               And don't lose your sense of humor! That's always
               the worst part!

      Burned Woman moves away. Amputee pockets the iPhone, follows.

                            AMPUTEE (CONT'D)
               I had a career. Nothing spectacular, mind you,
               never a Hamlet. Just a few supporting roles, a
               couple of features, theater, television...
               (Looks at stump) Then this happened. I won't bore
               you. The details are dreary. Needless to say, my
               agent stopped taking my calls. I stopped getting
               callbacks. You know, with one arm you can't even
               work as a waiter! 

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Can you please leave me alone?

                            AMPUTEE
               About one year ago, the phone started ringing
               again. It's a niche, sure, but it's growing.
               There's a lot more demand for amputees now, for
               various reasons.

                            BOMBER
               Hey man, aren't you laying it kind of thick? 

                            AMPUTEE
                      (turns to Bomber)
               In the beginning, I also thought it was weird. But
               you know what? Times are changing. We're fighting
               two wars now. One hour ago, I was home, watching
               TV. Then my agent called. "Suicide Bomber? Sure!
               What could be easier?" 

      Burned Woman tries to walk off but Amputee steps in front of her.

                            AMPUTEE (CONT'D)
               So I get lots of work. I can even start being
               selective. And best of all: since my arm's already
               gone, I don't have to spend hours in make-up!

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Bravo. I'm all choked up. I get it. 

                            BOMBER
               This guy is putting you on!

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Do I care? Does it matter?

                            AMPUTEE
               It doesn't. (Moves to Bomber) And I'm not.

      Amputee steps in front of Bomber. Bomber looks up at him slowly.

                            BOMBER
               OK, so why don't you prove it? Come on (Taps at
               Amputee's stump) Come on, show us your moneymaker.

                            AMPUTEE
               Don't touch me!

      Amputee pushes Bomber away but he persists, touching, tugging more
      forcefully at the stump.

                            BOMBER
               Come on! Show us that money-maker! 
               (To Burned Woman) You wanna see it? You want to 
               see his moneymaker?

      The two start to struggle more intensely, the Amputee mainly trying
      to protect his stump and the Bomber pushing him backwards. Finally,
      the Amputee suddenly reaches out to slap at the Bomber with his
      good hand. Bomber has just been waiting for this and expertly
      throws him to the ground. Several extras break up the fight.
      Bomber looks down with disdain and is escorted away. Amputee slowly
      sits up, visibly shaken. He tries to tidy himself. Burned Woman
      leans down next to him. A moment passes.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Are you all right?

      Amputee does not answer. He looks quite shaken up.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Look, for whatever it's worth, I'm really sorry.

      Pause. Burned Woman helps Amputee get up.

                            BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
               So, is it really true?

                            AMPUTEE
                      (Mutters)
               Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

      Burned Woman looks at him, a smile finally breaking her otherwise
      concerned expression.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               And what happens if you're not a real amputee?

      A tense moment passes. Suddenly Burned Woman cannot suppress a
      laugh.

                            VOICE 1
               Cut.

                            VOICE 2
                      (Loudly)
               Cut!

                            VOICE 3
               Ok, that's a cut.
               
      CAMERA "A" CUTS.

                            VOICE 2
               What happened now?

                            VOICE 1
               She laughed.

                            VOICE 2
               Was she not supposed to?

                            VOICE 1
               No. She wasn't.

                            BURNED WOMAN
                      (Still laughing)
               Oh my God, Omer! I'm so sorry.

                            VOICE 1
               Well that's great. But the scene was not over!

                            BURNED WOMAN
               I'm so sorry! I know! It's just. (Laughs) My scars
               started peeling!

                            VOICE 2
               Fuck. Could we get makeup in here?

                            AMPUTEE
               They're not scars yet, darling. They're burns.

      Pause. Burned Woman and Amputee walk away.
      
      CAMERA "B" TURNS ON, FOLLOWING THE TWO ACTORS AND STOPPING SUDDENLY
      AT THE FACADE OF THE FALAFEL SHOP.




     



5     EXT. FALAFEL SHOP. DAY.

      A small crowd of policemen and onlookers are standing around. A
      team of medics are inside the shop, sorting through the debris,
      collecting body parts, photographing.
      
      CAMERA "A" SHOWS THE SCENE FROM OUTSIDE, SHOOTING THROUGH THE
      FROZEN CROWD.
      
      CAMERA "B" SHOWS THE SCENE FROM INSIDE, FOLLOWING THE MEDICS WHO
      PERFORM THEIR ROLES IN A SERIES OF STILLS.

                            MARTIN F. (V.O.)
               By this point, there was a whole scene outside
               the falafel place. I was shunted across the street
               by the police, and I joined the onlookers. And it
               was only then that it dawned on me: "When you have
               a suicide bombing and you only have one casualty -
               maybe I had just taken care of the suicide
               bomber..." And I remember a wave of nausea that
               rolled over me. And I don't think the nausea was
               because I had any moral reprehension at treating
               this guy. It was the shock of what had just
               happened. Plus I think there was the smell of
               blood in my mouth... I realized that I had to get
               the police to test this guy for diseases. So I
               went back to my office. The first thing I did was
               scrub my hands. I noticed some blood on my thumbs
               - in the cuticle area - and I was scrubbing at it
               and getting dish-soap, and soaping up my lips,
               inside and out... I wanted it out. Afterwards, of
               course, I was thinking: "What made you do this? Was
               it because you thought this was some polluted sub
               human?" No. It wasn't that at all. It was really
               very rational. People who had diseases had been
               recruited. They'd go into crowds with bombs filled
               with rat poison, in order to enhance the effects
               of the explosives... If anything, this was a real
               face-to-face confrontation with evil! On the other
               hand, maybe I'm building this up too much. Because
               at that point, I don't think I was thinking of him
               as evil. He was a human being I was trying to
               save. And he was seventeen-and-a-half, eighteen
               years old. Afterwards comes maybe all the
               editorializing and adding the little ethical
               finishing touches on things. For my own benefit,
               by the way, I never really looked into too much of
               his background. I didn't want to personalize him
               more than I had to. 
               
      BOTH CAMERAS BEGIN TO TRACK ACROSS THE SCENE OUTSIDE.

                            MARTIN F.
               As it happens, a day and a half later, I did get a
               phone call. They finished the blood work on him
               and it turned out he proved positive for Hepatitis. 
               So I don't think I was trying to scrub away the evil.
               It was more just, "There's something potentially
               very bad about this blood here..."

      Two LAPD officers enter the scene and walk between the extras who
      are still frozen in their poses. They pause in center frame of CAM
      "A" looking towards the crew.

      CAMERA "B" CONTINUES SHOOTING FROM BEHIND.




     



6     EXT. ON SET OUTSIDE OF FALAFEL SHOP. DAY.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Whispering)
               Oh, shit!

                            SOUNDMAN
               What? Not again!

                            CAMERMAN
               Are these guys in the script? Should I cut? 

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Whispering)
               Yes. I mean, no they're not in the script. Cut!!

      The extras un-freeze. The two Cops approach CAM "A".

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Can we help you, Officer?

                            GOOD COP
               You guys have a permit?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Sure. The director has it. Where the hell is he? 
                      (On walkie talkie)
               Can someone get Omer?

                            BAD COP
                      (Peering into CAM "A")
               Is that thing running? Let's shut it down, OK?
               
      CAMERA "A" CUTS BRIEFLY.
      
      CAMERA "B" CONTINUES CUTTING BETWEEN ACTORS.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Is there a problem, Officer?

                            BAD COP
               You bet there's a problem. We got calls. Complaints.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Really? From whom? About what?

                            GOOD COP
               People who live here. Someone complained about
               hearing explosions.

                            SOUNDMAN
               What people? The homeless?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Whispering)
               Shut up!

                            BAD COP
               You being a wise guy? 'Cause we can do this in ten
               minutes or we can stay till our shift is over.

      Omer stumbles in, breathless, walks up to Cops.

                            OMER
               I'm really sorry, Officer. It's gonna be a little
               while until the permit can get here. Can somebody
               get you guys coffee or something?

                            GOOD COP
               Are you in charge here?

                            OMER
                      (Unsure)
               Yes.

                            GOOD COP
               I'm gonna need to see some ID please.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Oh boy.
                      (Loudly)
               All right, break for five minutes everyone!

      Omer hands the Good Cop his ID. The set starts to clear. 

                            GOOD COP
               So what's going on here? Are you making a film
               about terrorism?

      Pause. No one answers. Good Cop looks up from the ID.

                            BAD COP
               Well? Is it an action film or a thriller?

                            SOUNDMAN
               It's a pastiche.

                            OMER
               It's not!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Whispering to Soundman)
               Be quiet.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Laughs)
               A pastiche? Where d'you pick that one up, Webster?

                            SOUNDMAN
               You know, like a comedy.

                            OMER
               It's not a pastiche!

                            CAMERMAN
               It's a tragedy.

                            BAD COP
               Hey, hey, hey! Hold on! What is this, the Three Stooges?

                            OMER
               No, no. It's just hard to explain. We're trying to
               make a short film about filming a suicide bombing,
               which is based on an interview with a guy in
               Jerusalem. But it's shot as a series of stills.
               Like a wax museum. Or a frozen ballet...

      Other crew members start looking uncomfortable. 

                            OMER (CONT'D)
               But with real people, not dummies. (Pauses.
               Unsure.) No one's supposed to be moving.

      Indeed no one moves. Soundman guffaws. Good Cop hands back the ID.

                            GOOD COP
               Here you go. My son's in Afghanistan.

      Pause. No one knows what to say.

                            GOOD COP (CONT'D)
               What's your movie called?

                            OMER
               "Regarding the Pain of Others".

                            BAD COP
               Recording the what?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Not recording, regarding. Maybe you've heard of
               Susan Sontag?

                            BAD COP
               I've heard of Susan Sarandon. (Smiles) Is she
               around? Can I get an autograph?

      A PA gives the Good Cop a film permit. He looks at it.

                            GOOD COP
               Have you been using explosives?

                            OMER
               No sir.

                            GOOD COP
               No pyrotechnics? No firearms?

                            SOUNDMAN
               I got a lighter.

                            OMER
               We have a smoke machine. But it keeps breaking
               down. Please, look around if you like.

                            GOOD COP
                      (Holding permit)
               Because you do not have a permit for explosives.
               (Looks up) You guys know that?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               It's not a Hollywood film.

                            BAD COP
               It sounds like a B movie.

                            GOOD COP
               Is it a political film?

                            CAMERMAN
               It's a tragedy.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Like we said, it is a silent film. (To crew) No
               one's supposed to be talking.

                            BAD COP
               So it's a silent film. Like Charlie Chaplin.

                            OMER
                      (Smiles)
               No, no. It's nothing like that, Officer. (Thinks)
               Do you know what tableaux vivants are?

                            BAD COP
               Yeah. Sure. (Winks) That's mineral water, no?
               French? Sparkling?

      Burned Woman approaches.

                            BAD COP
               Let me ask you a question: Are you guys faggots or
               something?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               Wait a second here!

                            GOOD COP
                      (Taking over)
               Here's the problem: Someone in the area complained
               about hearing explosions. Now, I'm not accusing
               you guys of anything, but the call was specific
               and credible. We'd just like to get to the bottom
               of this. Is there a Keith around here? 

                            BURNED WOMAN
               I think I know what's going on, Officer.

      Everyone looks at her.

                            BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
               I think it was the suicide bomber, Keith Richards.

                            GOOD COP
               The who?

                            SOUNDMAN
                      (Air guitar)
               Not The Who, man! The Stones!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (To Burned Woman)
               What are you talking about?

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Keith Richards! The young suicide bomber you fired!

      No one believes her.

                            BURNED WOMAN (CONT'D)
               He was on the phone during lunch. He said he was
               calling a taxi but I could swear he was lying!

                            OMER
               Oh my God! (Frantically checking pockets) That guy
               stole my iPhone!

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Anyway, he didn't know the address here so he put
               me on the phone. When I tried to give driving directions, 
               the dispatcher said a police car was coming.

      Pause. Soundman whistles.

                            GOOD COP
               And why would he do this?

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Shrugs)
               Because we fired him. Because he was vengeful.

                            SOUNDMAN
               Because he's a fucked up albino cross-dresser.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Laughing)
               Would you stop it already? The guy was a Kosovar.

                            BURNED WOMAN
               Whatever he was, you should press charges against
               him. He also assaulted someone. What's his name?
               The amputee! The older guy who replaced him.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               What amputee??!

                            OMER
                      (To Assistant Director)
               Was there an amputee in the cast?

      The crew looks confused. The Cops look at each other.

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
                      (Angry, to Burned Woman)
               Hey, what are you doing here anyway? Didn't we
               fire you?

      A tense staredown between the Assistant Director and Burned Woman.

                            BAD COP
                      (Laughing)
               Man! You should all go on "Springer". 

      Burned Woman loses the staredown. She exits.

                            GOOD COP
                      (To Omer)
               So this suicide bomber, Keith Richards, do you
               know what his real name was?

                            SOUNDMAN
               Pete Townsend.

                            OMER
               Actually, we don't know his name, Officer. But I
               can describe what he looks like.	

      Good Cop takes out a pad. Pause. Omer thinks.

                            OMER (CONT'D)
               He had black hair. It was gelled. He was about
               this tall...

                            SOUNDMAN
               No, no! He had brown hair and was much shorter!
               Oh, and he had this nose!

                            ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
               The nose was fake! It was a prosthetic. We did it
               in make-up.

      Pause. Bad Cop rolls his eyes and sighs.

                            OMER
               Well, he had brown eyes. We can all agree on that.

                            CAMERMAN
               His eyes were green, Omar! Don't you remember? He
               kept opening them. That's why you fired him!

                            OMER
               All right, they were brown-green.

                            SOUNDMAN
               They were hazel.

                            GOOD COP
               Don't you guys take polaroids of your actors?

                            SOUNDMAN
               You mean like a lie-detector test?

                            BAD COP
               That's a polygraph.

                            OMER
               Of course, we have headshots. But they're all on
               my iPhone and that guy stole it.

      Pause. Good Cop puts his notepad back in his pocket.

                            GOOD COP
               All right, here's my card. When you get your story
               straight, come down to the precinct.

      The two Cops leave. The crew looks crestfallen.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Slaps his forehead)
               No! No! Wait a minute! We got him right here on camera!

      Cameraman excitedly fiddles with CAM "A" while everyone watches him
      without much enthusiasm. Camera rewinds. Cameraman peeps into
      viewfinder excitedly and presses stop.

                            CAMERMAN
               Look! Let me just play it back.

      Soundman gets up. Assistant Director continues peering into her iPhone 
      and Omer peers into space.

                            CAMERMAN
                      (Triumphantly presses play)
               Voila!
               
      BOTH CAMERAS CUT BACK TO SCENE 1.

                            SOUNDMAN
               A picture is worth everything man!

      End/Loop to beginning
      
      
      

☁

copyright e-flux 2010